I Don't Like Eggplant!

I don’t like eggplant. This is a grave concern to me. As someone who thinks of himself as a “food guy” (I’m still not sure how comfortable I am with labeling myself a “foodie” or, maybe more pretentiously, a “gastronome”), eggplant is one of those things I know I should like. I’m not exactly happy with the fact that my palate seems to have a few blind spots that I just can’t quite get myself past, despite some subconscious understanding that I must be missing out. Another thing I just really don’t much care for: Mayonnaise (unless I make it myself and even then only in exceptionally sparse amounts). I’ve tried to like eggplant, honest. I’ve had ratatouille, eggplant parmigiana, pickled eggplant and god knows what else and I just can’t quite get there. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not repulsed by eggplant. It’s not one of those things that makes me shudder convulsively while I try to gag it down as I fly to the land of the rising gorge. No, I just don’t really like it, although I can (and will) eat it politely if it’s served to me.

All that being said, if you join a CSA, as I did last summer, you are almost guaranteed to get eggplant. And, if you are thrifty (or, as my wife thinks of me, a Depression-era housewife in the body of a Generation-X male), you will want to find a way to use that eggplant. So, if you are a thrifty food guy with a load of eggplant you don't really want, you’re in a bit of a rut. The answer is baba ganoush. Some of you will no doubt think that this is a cheat, that this masks the flavor of the eggplant to the point that it almost isn’t eggplant anymore. You may have a point, but I would argue that eggplant, like tofu, is actually a blank canvas upon which you can paint any flavors you want. Which, I suppose, begs the question of why I don’t like those other eggplant dishes, like ratatouille, that also serve to highlight other flavors and take away the focus on eggplant. My answer: I don’t know.

Anyway, to me, baba ganoush is a combination of Mediterranean flavors that I dearly love and, when faced with a box of eggplant and a desire to use them, one does what one can. When made well, baba ganoush is a lovely swirl of smoky, tart, unctuous, nutty, garlicky goodness that will serve eggplant lovers as well as eggplant dislikers with equal ease.

Unfortunately, I don’t really have a true recipe for baba ghanaoush. I have a list of ingredients and urge you to get out your food processor and start figuring out the rough proportions that you like and want to emphasize. To overcome the lack of a recipe, what you should do is add small amounts of ingredients until you get the harmony and balance right for your own palate. If you add small amounts of stuff and keep tasting as you go, you won’t overdo it with any one ingredient and you will have a lovely dish to eat while enjoying the summer months, ideally with a cold drink and a warm patio.

Start by taking a couple of eggplants and poke holes in them with a fork. You don’t need to puncture it everywhere, but you want to allow steam to escape while the eggplants cook. If you don't puncture them, they will explode and that doesn't help anyone. Put them on a hot grill (you can do this in the oven but you won’t get the smoky flavor) and turn them until they blister and collapse. Take them off the grill and put them on a wire rack to let them cool until you can handle them. Take off the charred peel (don’t rinse them under water) and if you have an especially seedy eggplant, try to scoop out some of the seeds, but don’t worry about it too much. Put the eggplant flesh in a colander and evenly sprinkle a teaspoon or two of salt over it and let the eggplant drain awhile. Throw away the liquid that comes off the eggplant and throw the eggplant into your food processor. Now, squeeze in the juice of a lemon and pour in a couple of tablespoons of really good quality olive oil. Add a close of abused garlic (I abuse mine with a microplane grater because that is the way, in my experience, to amp up the garlic flavor the most, but you can mince it, put it through a press or just chop it as fine as you like.). Add some a couple of spoons of tahini (sesame seed paste, some people will tell you to substitute peanut butter if you don’t have tahini. I will tell you to go to the store and buy tahini.) Sprinkle in some salt. Now blitz it to smooth in your food processor. I will guarantee that, based on the loosey-goosey parameters I’ve laid out here, this will taste out of whack. But you will probably like yours different than I like mine. I prefer a lot of garlic and lemon and to go light on the tahini. You might like a lot of olive oil. As we have never met, I can’t really tell you how you like your baba ganoush. All I can tell you is to adjust those flavors, slowly, to get it how you like it. Once you get it where you want it, get some pita or pita chips and start eating. As I may have mentioned, I don’t really care for eggplant yet I have made this dish for myself and had it as an entire meal and felt as if I were dining like a king.

Now I’m going to learn to love mayonnaise.

(originally published in Open Salon)